Choose Respect Over Being Liked. Note #1 to My Son who is a New Teacher

This is the first note in a series of letters to my son.  He is a new teacher this fall.  I'm reminiscing about my teaching days and some ideas that he can incorporate into his classes.  

Dear Son,

When I think about Mr. Voorhees, my favorite teacher of all time, we were never friends. We weren't chummy.  He didn't interact with me any differently than he would with anyone else in the class. I highly respected this math teacher of mine.  He made the line between teacher and student very clear.  There was safety in this boundary. Mr. Voorhees held the line for everyone in the class whether they were likable or not. 

What created this respect?

• He disciplined everyone and would not go lighter on the favorites in the class.  It is easy to discipline the kid that is always getting into trouble, but it is hard to call out the one who rarely gets into trouble.  
• He would not make exceptions for certain students.  Things like being tardy, or turning in a late paper, or talking in the middle of a lesson, all students were treated the same.
• Everyone was expected to participate in all activities.  No student could opt out of the day's activity.  Mr. Voohees always randomly called people to answer questions so people didn't need to hold their hand up.  I know this created some fear in students as well, however for me it was that everyone was held accountable.  I thought it was fair because everyone was 'in'.  When I taught, I used a system of Popsicle sticks with each student's name on it.  I would ask a question, let students quietly think on their own about the question, then I would have them discuss the question with the people around them, and then I would pick a Popsicle stick with someones name on it and call on that student to answer the question out loud to the rest of the class. 

Don't try to have students 'like you'

• Giving the best jobs of the class to the students who are likable.  You have to create a system that gives the opportunity to all students to be picked.
• Never talk to one student about another student's problem (gossip).  This is a big no-no and will cause a rift in your class right away.  
• Don't lower your standards because the students are complaining.  A good way to avoid this is to tell the students you will think about the request and talk to your colleagues and get back to the students tomorrow.  Students will always try to lower your bar to make it easier on themselves.  Keep bringing the students back up to your bar.  As a new teacher you will set your expectations one day and the students will quickly attack your expectations.  Be strong and reiterate your expectations.  This is a constant give and take.  Don't think you are a bad teacher when students try to bring the expectations lower.  This is simply students being students.  

Use every ounce of energy to remain neutral in your likes and dislikes of students.  Favoritism is a dangerous thing in a classroom.

You are going to have the popular kids and the unpopular kids in your class.  Everyone in the class knows who they are.  Treat them both with respect.  Discipline them both equally.

You have always been someone who looks out for the underdog.  That is a gift you have.  Use it to your advantage to help treat all students equally.  You will want to be liked, but rather aim to be respected.  

Love you much Son,

Dad